Wednesday, September 23, 2009

BBC vision conference

So about a week ago I was invited to go to this BBC conference thing and be part of a talk about the future of broadcasting/the internet/I'm not sure what. Ofcourse I said yes! And yesterday was the day. The talk was infront of an audience of BBC and other TV people, and held by Robert Llewellyn, who asked me and the other guests questions about the internet and our endeavours upon it.

The other guests were Myles Dyer, Cassetteboy and Jon Petrie from popcorn comedy. It was all pretty great aside from the actual being on stage being asked questions part. I feel like such a turd for complaining at all because it sounds so diva-ish or something but it was just horrible. HORRIBLE.

They'd asked me to send in some video clips 'that I'm most proud of', so I sent a few clips of videos I felt were pretty representative of me and what I do. I can't recall the exact ones but it was the Britney Spears one, the Miss West Carolina one... a couple of vlogs, skullboy.. that sort of thing (comedy, vlogs and arty stuff).

The thing started, Myles was first up, and was asked tons of questions mostly about himself and his use of youtube, then a little about stickaid. He answered his questions fantastically, and I figured I was gonna be ok because at the end of the day I was going to be talking about stuff I know, and was comfortable with. So I go up, they show about 10 seconds of stuff about the zombie movie. None of what I'd sent them at all.

Fair enough I figured, the stuff I sent might not have been as high quality as they'd needed so they used stuff they had (perhaps?). But then the first question was 'so before this, had you done anything else on youtube?'. So I was like 'uh... yeah I started making videos on youtube 3 years ago...uh...' I was totally on the backfoot at that point and had no idea what to say.

I was all ready to talk about what got me started on youtube, what I think the future of it is, how the online community could interact with traditional media, copyright issues for the new millenium, digital ownership, etc etc etc. I had so much I was thinking it was going to be about, but I was sitting on stage with hundreds of people looking at me who'd never heard of me before thinking that the abortive mission to make the zombie movie was the only thing I had ever done online, or of any note.

The rest of the questions for the next 10 minutes were solely about the zombie movie- what's the future of the zombie movie? Did you always have aspirations to be a director? How did you come up with the idea? It was just fucking torture. And because I was so unprepared, I had to basically make up answers to them on the spot- I stumbled over words, sounded like a fucking idiot, seemed like I didn't know what I was doing- because I didn't. I felt like such a fool. It was so embarrassing and disappointing. I was thinking that the whole thing might atleast mean I made some good connections at the BBC perhaps, and be good advertisement of who I am and what I do, but now all they will know of me is that I tried and failed to make a stupid zombie film.

It was made even more frustrating that after me, the two others were asked questions that were so much more about what those people are actually about, that I also wanted to put my two cents in about, but I couldn't cause we had to hurry it up. There were a few questions at the end that I wanted to get into and answer properly and maybe make people realise that I'm more than a zombie abortion failure, but again we had to be quick.

This is all from my own perspective, and the other people I talked to afterwards said I answered the questions fine, and maybe I did (I don't think I did). I just am so mortified that, as I see it, I made a huge fool out of myself infront of people who I wanted to think I was actually pretty great. No! It's not even that- it's that I feel I was made out to be something that I'm actually not.

I wish, WISH that I had asked what the questions were about beforehand- Robert had a sheet of pointers but didn't want people to look at them first so we didn't form answers before the actual interview, which is totally fine, but I just wish I'd asked what the subject was. Too bad I assumed it was going to be about what they implied it was going to be about.

Anyway, on the upside of it all, afterwards I had coffee with Cassetteboy (not his actual name- I've forgotten it in my haste to blank out all the horror) and Jon (who's name I only remember because he gave me his card) and his girlfriend, and we talked more on the subjects at hand, and it was cool. I wanted to stay longer and perhaps make a better impression on people, but I had to go as I had a prior engagement. I had lunch with my boyfriend and cried (cried!!!) about this whole debacle. Then we watched a film about climate change which was depressing.

And now I'm writing it in my blog so that hopefully, if anyone that was there has bothered to look up the loser idiot that 'the bryony makes a zombie movie girl' is might actually see that I am more than the IZM, that I'm more intelligent than the Sloth impression I did on stage, and that I'm actually vaguely intelligent in real life and in normal conversation. And! That I actually have some good ideas and valuable insight into the future of broadcasting for the internet generation! And that I DO know what I'm talking about!

:(

EDIT:
I hope I didn't sound too ungracious and ungrateful (are those the same thing) in this post- I really am glad to be asked to go to this thing, and I enjoyed it, despite my loooong post here! It's all stemmed from a big misunderstanding mostly. Hope I didn't/don't offend anyone!!

14 comments:

plaagro said...

It seems like they only focused on the stuff the are involved in, for publicity maybe.
Don't worry girl, you are much more than an IZM maker.
You are really funny, talented girl with a great personality. And i'm sure the audience will take a look at your blog and youtube channel, and will know who really you are.

Fahad

Robert Llewellyn said...

Bryony
For a start, you weren't terrible, you were great and more importantly, I wish I had known. I feel like such a prick, I wouldn't have mentioned the zombie movie at all, I've seen your other stuff and it's really good. It was one of those moment, all the questions on my sheet referred to it, so I made the stupid assumption the Zombie project was what you wanted to talk about. I would have been very happy to show you the questions before, I wasn't told not to. It's just a bad case of poor communication on my part and I am really sorry. I know how you feel, effectively being misrepresented and it's no fun.
However badly you feel you came across however, in truth you were great, people aren't going to think, 'well she was a looser' because what you have done is amazing.

Robert

Martin said...

I think the fact that so many people got really interested and excited about IZM was so solely down to you rather than the idea itself and I think that alone speaks volumes about your talent. Without sounding über corny and clichéd, if the BBC don’t see you for what you are, someone else eventually will and it will be the beebs loss. Besides Mr Llewellyn here ^ seems to give a pretty glowing report so I wouldn’t dwell on it too much.

Martin said...

Edit:

Not that IZM wasn't a great idea, or that you don't have great ideas but you get what I mean! I'll shut up now because it sounds like my kissing arse and it's even sickening me a little!

Jim B said...

The national media tend to be rather narrowminded at times. You'd think the BBC would be better than that since they do have an international audience. It may be that the focus for the discussion was limited by its intended audience. Both you and Llewellyn have been subconciously shaped by your audiences and that may be the source of the problems that you encountered. So next time it might be wise to ask in advance about the intended audience to avoid being blindsided.

jujudivinecpa said...

Bryony, I think that you are great! And honestly, the only reason that I got so into YouTube videos was because of you. You were normal, funny, inventive, and had a million fun things that you did. Some of my most favorite videos go way back to the beginning when you first started! I wish that I could find a way to be as creative and inventive as you are, but I still haven't found my way to do that yet. Nonetheless, you are a great inspiration, on camera and off, whether or not you see the results of your work and impression on others.

Keep it up and don't let this get you down. We all know who you are and not some stupid IZM girl. You get even more respect for the fact that you tried to do something so innovative--it's not a failure.

Julie

NusaCat said...

I sense a video opportunities here...

Sloth Impressions by Paperlilies

Byrony's Makeup Tips for Sloths

How to Prepare for being Unprepared

Bryony Gets to Know Kryten

Zombies DO Cry!

Sean Bedlam said...

Dudette, it's not possible you achieved the kind of suckitude you're talking about. Public speaking- when you're wrongfooted- sucks an old man's dangly scrote. It doesn't just feel weird, it feels terrifyingly like being an arsehole. Rock on. :)

ILikeToWhinge said...

Whing Whinge Whinge. Get over it. You are so paranoid you think you messed up. Can you read all their minds? Do you really know what they all thought? You didn't get asked what YOU wanted to get asked about and are now tanting over it. You didn't prepare and now want to complain about how unfair it was. Welcome to the real world.

You sound like some fifteen year old that has revised 3 questions and ignore the other 3 you were told to on an exam and then when the three you didn't get asked about come up you complain how unfair it was.

With this whiny, lets blame everyone else for not doing what I wanted, attitude you'd fit in fine at the BBC.

I know absolutely nothing about you or your work so I don't know if it was superb or abysmal. All I do know is your hissy fit here.

Sure, it's your blog and you can write what you want but don't expect sympathy.

If I was reading this blog and you were trying to impress me it would be an epic fail.

tlg847 said...

Hey Bryony,

This blog reminded me of why you've always been a fav of mine. Smart, honest, funny, always (at least) vaguely dissatisfied with yourself. Onward. Great things await.

Tom

Julie said...

I'm as old as Tom (well, we are), and I too, always appreciate your honesty, creativity, and most of all, your very own unique take on things - all too rare in this, or any, age. Its never going to not suck to feel blind-sided when you most wanted to make a good impression. Take heart. Keep taking chances, and doing that next best guess in the right direction. Anything can happen.

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katie said...

hi bryony, love reading this blog, it's very inspiring. for my blog, go here: www.memekatie.blogspot.com. (now changed to you won't be 17 forever) xx

Jamal Ashiqain said...

Aah, I have been through exactly that, actually this proves that there is a gap between conventional and new media which needs to be filled.

I am glad Robert here realized how impotent it is to have pre-show meeting with the New Media geeks to be able to understand the person better.

Here the producer who put me in the hot-seat without knowing even the most basic facts about me didn't even contacted back to know what i had to say about their show.

It will take time before the conventional media starts to figure-out how we manage to run our one man shows sitting in the comforts of our bedroom and get such huge viewership :)