Tuesday, February 24, 2009


So I've been struggling to find some sort of direction in my life- I don't have any firm goals- I fell out of love with graphic design which was a goal from about 2000, 9 long years ago, and now I'm left with much the same feeling of not wanting to pin myself down to anything too specific. I filmed a video today!! I am going to try to edit it tomorrow. Also tomorrow: shopping delivery! Food shopping. When did meat suddenly become so expensive?? And vegetables! £1.20 for a cucumber? what the hell? I'm making a vegetable patch again this year! Actually, two vegetable patches. My boyfriend is jealous that I'm making one in my own garden this year as he thinks my heart won't be in the one at his house enough. It will though! I can't wait- it's really exciting! It sounds boring but when you grow something from a seed like that it really is uplifting and amazing. The miracle of life!
When I was little I had a book about animals that undergo a metamorphosis, like frogs coming from frogspawn and butterflies from caterpillars. It was really cool, but I was so disappointed when I rediscovered it years later to find it was all about how this miracle is because god invented it and it's all his plan. how did that even get onto my bookshelf?! I think it's far more romantic for something to just be, without some creator of it all. Like the stars and the grains of sand and infinity, it's all so much more magnificent to just accept it and not understand it at the same time. But then again I'm sure that religious people would say the same. Sand comes from rocks bashing against each other for millions of years. Brighton's stony beach might one day be soft sand.
The dehumidifier in my room filled up with water!! I emptied it out- there was about 2 or 3 liters of water in it! I miss studying science- I love the idea of molecules being more densely packed until they take on a different form- air into liquid, liquid into solid. You could compress air into a solid if you compacted it enough! It's so interesting and beautiful. that's another thing that you could explain away with religious things I guess. It's the same sense of wonderment I think. Imagine how exciting it must have been to have been around in the Victorian industrial era- all these new things being invented and discovered! I always like imagining going back in time and showing people really bright things or very modern things like iphones and plastic and flourescent paper. It was just coming into the time when you wouldn't be killed for having such radical thoughts, though being female would likely have meant noone would give me the time of day. Did you know Marie Curie invented xrays? and her husband was given all the credit for it at first because they didnt believe a woman could have thought of it. she got the nobel prize in the end though! and then died of radiation poisoning :(

zzz sorry for the rambling!


Jim B said...

Some people seem to have fixated on the idea that "God is Love" and seem overly insistent on sharing this view with others.

One of Marie Curie's contributions to Science was the use of an electrometer to measure the rate of electrical discharge caused by the ionizing radiation produced by uranium and other substances. She identified radioactivity as a property of the atom.

Hanne said...

I remember reading about Marie Curie when I was about 12.. I thought the story was so sad.. It still kinda is, actually.

creativemachine said...

I know where you're coming from with the whole lack of direction thing. I'm kind of in the same position at the moment, floating until I find something engaging and solid to settle on for a career choice. Even the fun stuff can get boring. I believe the solution will come to both of us in due course though.

Anonymous said...


Shep said...

i loled on how you ended that blog post. "and she did of radiation poisoning. lool.