I am jealous, I am sad, I am bitter and sour and all those other unattractive things that one can be when they don't get what they want.
I was supposed to be going to LA this week, with Molly and Natalie and Kate. That's what I made the video in which I pretended to be Miss West Carolina again for- to promote it. I was paid a little bit for it, but I mostly made it because I was promised a trip to LA for the premiere of Garden Party.
The guy who I was dealing with, who I think is the producer of the film, had some weird ideas that I hated, kept coming up with weird ideas I hated, like 'give it a racy title to get the pervs to drive up the views!!' the whole thing made me feel sort of icky, and eventually, I watched the DVD I was sent of the film itself, which I hated, and it all fell to pieces and now here we are. I'm not in LA and the others are.
I could have just shut up and made more videos that I hated, and I'd be in LA, biting my tongue at all the events they set up. But I'm not. I made a video about a week ago about this all, but I took it down after Molly and Nat got upset. Molly, Nat, if you are reading this, I'm sorry if my being honest on my blog upsets you. I never said anything bad about you so I don't really see why you're so defensive about it all.
I still feel owed. That's why I get a pang of envy and upset about it. I was promised something, and it didn't happen. More than that- I signed a contract.
But there's nothing I can do.
Sure, I have too much shit to get done anyway, tomorrow is going to be fun, I have things I'm doing and so on. I'm going to go to LA in a month's time anyway, with some RL friends and my brother- which I have to prepare for. Going to the 888 gathering in Toronto, a friends wedding... The Zombie Movie is exciting to work on, next week I get to be made up by some professional makeup SFX people, and its all quite fun and exciting, and I'm really enjoying myself.
But I wanted to go to LA with my friends, who don't even like me anymore because of all this. Which is sad.