Friday, July 11, 2008

I'm In London still.

I am jealous, I am sad, I am bitter and sour and all those other unattractive things that one can be when they don't get what they want.

I was supposed to be going to LA this week, with Molly and Natalie and Kate. That's what I made the video in which I pretended to be Miss West Carolina again for- to promote it. I was paid a little bit for it, but I mostly made it because I was promised a trip to LA for the premiere of Garden Party.

The guy who I was dealing with, who I think is the producer of the film, had some weird ideas that I hated, kept coming up with weird ideas I hated, like 'give it a racy title to get the pervs to drive up the views!!' the whole thing made me feel sort of icky, and eventually, I watched the DVD I was sent of the film itself, which I hated, and it all fell to pieces and now here we are. I'm not in LA and the others are.

I could have just shut up and made more videos that I hated, and I'd be in LA, biting my tongue at all the events they set up. But I'm not. I made a video about a week ago about this all, but I took it down after Molly and Nat got upset. Molly, Nat, if you are reading this, I'm sorry if my being honest on my blog upsets you. I never said anything bad about you so I don't really see why you're so defensive about it all.

I still feel owed. That's why I get a pang of envy and upset about it. I was promised something, and it didn't happen. More than that- I signed a contract.
But there's nothing I can do.

Sure, I have too much shit to get done anyway, tomorrow is going to be fun, I have things I'm doing and so on. I'm going to go to LA in a month's time anyway, with some RL friends and my brother- which I have to prepare for. Going to the 888 gathering in Toronto, a friends wedding... The Zombie Movie is exciting to work on, next week I get to be made up by some professional makeup SFX people, and its all quite fun and exciting, and I'm really enjoying myself.

But I wanted to go to LA with my friends, who don't even like me anymore because of all this. Which is sad.


--N-- said...

You did the right thing.

JJC1138 said...

Just an idea of why your friends might be upset with you: I get the impression that you decided to stop taking part in this thing for reasons of principle, and sometimes when you do that other people who are still taking part will take it as an implicit criticism of them that they didn't also stop taking part for the same reasons. I know that's not the way you intended it, but that's the way people sometimes perceive it.

I've been a vegetarian for 10 years or so, but some of my closest friends are still offended by it for that reason I think, despite the fact that I've never, ever tried to convince them or anyone else to become vegetarian.

Eshniner Forest said...

Your a lucky one. :)

thehashbrownhustler said...

At the end of the day you did what was best. Like you said your yourself
"I could have just shut up and made more videos that I hated, and I'd be in LA, biting my tongue at all the events they set up." You could have been to LA, but at what cost? Being at the premier which would have been awkward, and dropping on the quality of your top notch videos.

What you did is the right thing. You didn't loose anything too, don't be so pessimistic about Molly and Natalie "not being your friends". Because friendships don't just end like that, its just a bit wavy at the moment. Besides isn't that what makes better friendships? Don't let this bog you down, you did what was right.

Producer guy FTL!

Keep up the good work, the internet zombie movie looks amazing!

And looking forward to getting your autograph (lolz) at the 888 meeting!

Your Fan,
The Hashbrown Hustler

P.S. have you read Marvel Zombies? Its a pretty cool comic involves everything in the marvel universe turning into a zombie!

Nunya said...

Nothing wrong with sticking to your principles. That's respectable. "Selling out" isn't.

Your friends will get over it. If they don't - they weren't really your friends to begin with and you still have what looks to be thousands of admirers that would love to be.

And San Francisco >>> LA

eforerin said...

I agree with everyone else, you did the right thing. I'm subscribed to all of you girls on YT, and I was wondering why you were all making videos about Garden Party. I realized that you must be getting something for promoting it, and that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I think that you did the right thing in standing by your convictions.

Anyways, I think your videos are great. And I hope you friends understand where you are coming from.

jgirvine said...

Good on you for sticking with your principles.

Simon said...

Doing what is best for yourself is worth waaaaaaaaaaay more than a lousy plane ticket.

As for offending others, get used to it - You can't get much done in this lifetime without offending people no matter how un-intentional.

Chris Dianity said...

As bloggers above have said if they are real friends they will accept and respect your decisions. And if they don't then make a video and dish on them! I'm kidding don't do that just ditch them.

Geoffrey said...

I think jjc1138 has it right. Mollie and Natalie may feel that your video showed them up. At best they now look less discriminating than you, at worst they look less ethical. I don't think your blog post will help mend the rift since it sort of drives those points home. I'm sure that isn't what you intended. I would suggest reaching out to both of them, even if you just send a card -- in private.

Many of us watch you on the Tube because of your genuine warmth and fierce honesty. Use the warmth.

NusaCat said...

There's always costs and benefits, so sometimes you have to grin and bear it, while other times you make your own path. Some people may love and hate you for your choices, but so long as you are reasonably consistent you'll be respected for what you are.

timisthecoolest said...

one day im gonna find a way of expressing how hard you rock!
i always got bad phony vibes from that whole garden party thing, & now it all makes sense.
keep on keepin it real you inspiring exciting beautiful paperlilies you!

maliknant said...

This is why I respect you so much.

Sparrow said...

You had the guts to do the right thing! Don't be upset about yourself, you should be proud! You are great, gal!

babyporridge. said...

i commend you for sticking to your principles; things will work out, they eventually do for good people.

i am thrilled for your zombie movie from the very core of my spleen & lungsss

Austincovello said...

You did the right thing, but you have to accept the consequences. Just think happy thoughts. Like... ZOMBIE OLYMPICS! Picture a Zombie trying to do a pole vault, flying apart, and spraying maggots all over the crowd.

...this is why I don't watch Sean Bedlam videos anymore...

billilovesmargot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alex said...

This is like a million years late, but I just saw mememolly's video about it.


Here, check out my boobs and cuteness. Anyway, watch this film yeah? See you guys!