Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The "I'm Shallow and don't really have anything good to write about" post.

I don't know why I feel the need to blog on this, but I read Jezebel's 'Good, Bad & Ugly' for the SATC premiere in New York and wanted to put MY opinion on the fashions, because whoever it is who did it for them this time is just blind.

Sure, you don't give a shit, but it's my blog damn you.

The 'GOOD'

Anna Wintour (editor of Vogue)
They said: Anna Wintour looks like my mom, which is awesome for my mom but...well, I guess it's awesome for Anna too.
I say: Anna Wintour looks fine I guess. Not exactly WOW, but then she never does look WOW. She just looks very presentable. I think this dress is quite 50s. Prim and proper like she always looks.
My mum does not look like this- this is old fashioned compared to my mum. This is more.n. my nan.

Lorraine Bracco
They said: Lorraine Bracco, aka the former Dr. Melfi, has a PhD in cute shoes.
I say: So she's fat- she's in that go-to dress of the chubbo- the black scoop neck sack. The shoes in my opinion don't help- they cut her legs at the ankles and cause her legs to look shorter than they need to. Her hair and makeup are boring. She looks like she just got done putting her kids to bed and had to throw on her high heels (from back in the 90s from before she had kids and used to go out) to come to this premiere. She probably stopped off on the way to grab a bottle of wine to give to the hosts. I have no idea who she is, btw.


Kristin Davis
They said: shone like a fancy piece of Hanukkah gelt.
I say: I like this fabric, the skirt part is divine! and the shoes work well with it all, but the top part is shapeless and fugly, which lets the whole thing down.


They say: Oh Idina! You look lovely. Mazel Tov.
I say: Are you kidding me?! With dark hair and light skin, she'd look 100 times better in something in a stronger colour, even a pure white would work better I think. The length is indeterminate, and the shoes?! Yeuch. The dress kind of makes her look wide too. Maybe it's something to do with the strap width? That kind of strap always serves to just make the whole thing look fugly and too casual for a movie premiere.
Also, what's up with these weird jewish references all over the place? Are these people jewish? even if they are, what??


They Say: think Lydia Hearst looks great in what is probably Heatherette, although she didn't need the hippie necklace.
I say: EW. E. W. EWWW. This looks so hideously 90s!! the corset and trousers thing?? and the shoes?! They's look nice with anything else I think, but here they look like luminous no-nos. The corset is HIDEOUSSS! Ugh. Those flowers on the front? I don't get it. The necklace IS totally 90s. I used to make things like that and sell them at school. IN THE 90S. Just... how is this in the 'Good' section?


They Say: The only thing missing from Cynthia Nixon's ensemble is her cute, ginger girlfriend.
I say: I agree, she looks lovely!! But so what, she's a lesbian, she has a 'life partner'. Kudos to them for not parading everything around infront of the public all the fucking time. Her hair looks lovely!


They Say: Perry Farrell looks like a God, as usual, and his lady-friend looks like a window display at Agent Provocateur. (Yes, that's good. We want more of that).
I say: Perry Farrell looks like a god??? A god of what? the god of creepy pervs? The god of cab drivers who you're scared to look in the eye of? The god of people who sleep on benches? He fucking looks deranged and plastic surgeried!! AND WHAT THE FUCK?! I didn't know they'd already invented realdolls that could actually walk and talk.


They say: Amy Sedaris is a genius, and her outfit has a perfectly spring-appropriate color palette.
I say: I can't stand Amy Sedaris. This outfit looks like something a suburban american mom would wear to a cook out, where she'd get slowly drunker and drunker and by sunset would already have exposed herself to a couple of teenagers behind a caravan. Also, her shoes look like duck beaks.


they say: Check and mate! You done good SJP.
I say: I agree. this dress is lovely! And she looks pretty :)



Ugh, I'm bored of doing this now. The Michelle Williams dress is cute I think, and this dress, from the 'ugly' category, I think looks marvellous on whoever that woman is.

10 comments:

mhr said...

this was entertaining

Dave said...

Anna Wintour: If my wife didn't look better at age 85, I'd be disappointed. Her dress is spectacularly ordinary, and so is she.

Lorraine Bracco: looks like every other woman from Brooklyn who has eaten too much lasagna and does her shopping on 3rd Avenue.

Kristin Davis: looks like a pair of drapes at the Governor's Mansion.

Idina: looks like a pregnant stripper I once knew--so to speak.

Lydia Hearst: looks like the Hearst family just continues to fall down the generational hill ever since William Randolph Hearst made all their coin. If that's the best you can do as an American heiress, you don't deserve to be an American heiress. She's also has that crazy look in her eyes like her mother. It won't be long before she too is bedding down and robbing banks with black nationalists.

Cynthia Nixon: it should come as no surprise that she's exclusive to women because the guy who played her husband or bf on the show had less testosterone than a 5year old school girl. The dress/gown is marginal and she looks decent for an ugly chick.

Perry Farrell: looks like every other child predator living in his mom's basement. Men with sunken chests shouldn't wear open collars. The pointy shoes are corny and straight out of 1982 also. The little Asian dime on his arm looks like an aging porn star with an old-school tit job and a dress from the mall.

Amy Sedaris: yeah, a suburban, colorblind mom in 1948, living in Missouri, maybe.

SJP: College is over. It's been over for 25 years. When ostentatious is par for the course, you cease to be interesting. She'd be a half decent booty call--if absolutely no one else was available and you owned a pair of ear plugs.

Whoever Woman: Dress is kinda cute, in a cheap way. She looks decent. I'd probably hit and wreck it if I could get a closer look at her helmet.

None of Your Business said...

"This outfit looks like something a suburban american mom would wear to a cook out, where she'd get slowly drunker and drunker and by sunset would already have exposed herself to a couple of teenagers behind a caravan. Also, her shoes look like duck beaks."

...and why is that bad? More interesting than most of the fashion victims out there.

Emily said...

you're so right! who writes that rubbish?!

NusaCat said...

I think we've discovered what one of your favorite words is: fugly!

That last one found her niche in The Guiding Light (Soap Opera). She's still fairly new; only a few hundred episodes.

I rather liked the blue print dress (not one you commented on). I'd like it better if the pattern lined up at the seam.

pearly said...

I like it how you get more and more into it as you go. And that sentence made no sense whatsoever.

Chris Stokes said...

I like the shoes that look like duck beaks. I myself have a hat that looks like a whale's jaw bone.

crazy-gabrielle said...

That last dress is okay, except for that... fur in the bottom. And those neon green shoes would be so awesome with anything other than that flower corset. The flowers are just too much to bear.

Sparrow said...

"Perry Farrell looks like a god??? A god of what? the god of creepy pervs? The god of cab drivers who you're scared to look in the eye of? The god of people who sleep on benches?" :D:D:D:D:D:D!!! Lolz!

Most of the dresses are terrible. I like SJP's!

no1mournthWICKED said...

that last girl is renee zellweger, she always looks cute!