Saturday, March 01, 2008


'you put your energy into Youtube, and you succeeded at it' was what my boss in California said to me, and it made me realise (though it's obvious and blindingly so) that you can only succeed at things you put energy into.

I haven't put energy into youtube in a long time. I don't have any passion for it lately. It might come back, but it's not something I want to push. There are other things that may or may not spring from it, but it is and always was a fun hobby that was... a fun hobby.

But yeah, I put energy into it, and it payed off. It's kind of flipped really, seeing as the thing I meant to concentrate on, which youtube distracted me from, was building my design portfolio, looking for work, etc, whereas now, I want to work on my own design projects than make youtube videos. The two distract me from the other.

I guess if something feels like a job or a chore, I don't relish it, and I don't put the passion and energy into it that you truly need to in order for it to actually be a success.

um, this was going somewhere but I forget where. I have heartburn and can't sleep.

I remember!
It was that this blog and youtube videos in general seem to garner less views and comments than they used to, which I can't help but feel a little bad about, cause it's a failing comparitively. I don't mind really, and I know I could put something awesome up if I put some energy into it, payed attention to things happening around youtube and in the news and whatever. I always had dreams of doing something zefrank-like one day (just one!) but never got round to writing something up. But anyway, yes, that was what I was thinking- youtube has been a success, and maybe it can continue to be one, but I feel like that energy is flowing in different directions, for a while it was this blog, that weird job I did with Kwai, the job I have now, into my friends, even. At the moment it seems so daunting even posting a simple blog. There's all these people tuned into the channel and I don't want to disappoint them or scare them away.
I know I know, it's the tired thing I go on about all the time. I guess I just feel over exposed or something. I want to find a new creative way to use youtube, cause at the moment it just feels like a massive boring chore. There's nothing new to discover in it for me. At the moment anyway.

And having said that about energy flowing away from youtube, that seems like a good analogy for how it really is. I seem to have a finite amount of creativity, yet it always seems to come out, whatever Im doing. Like there's a set amount I am allotted every day, which seeps out one way or another. So youtube was huge for me when I was doing a boring job. It was a creative outlet, and now that my job is creative, there's not so much left to go round.
Also youtube is so boring to me lately, so it's like trying to force the creatve energy into it, which can be done, but grudgingly so. When it would rather go into something new and challenging.

Ok I really will try to sleep now.


Anonymous said...

I think everyone experiences what you are going through at sometime. Something that was once an escape will lose that value if it doesn't remain in that context. I think once you're at your job a little longer, it too will become somewhat trite and maybe youtube or something else will become inviting again.

Anonymous said...

After this week, and having watched "Sleepers" again tonight, living in a small town in the English countryside, working part-time as a carpenter, quietly and alone, sounds awfully good.

Any nice, inexpensive land you can turn me onto Paperlilies?


GrimBrin said...

It's so true about energy it's far better to focus on one thing you enjoy and do it well than half a dozen things done half assed.

Anonymous said...

You should do only what you like!
You have a lot of fans on youtube, so what? Fuck it! If you don'y have enough strength to od something creative just don't do that! You think this blog is boring? Don't write on it! But it is only you opinion! I think you need changes! Some vacation, looooong vacation! Go to USA, have crazy time, maybe get some job, and you will miss to London and you will come back! And make videos on youtube will make you happy again!


Goose said...

Your not letting people down by not posting videos, if you made a half assed video, like grimbrin said, then you would be letting them down.

Your talking about this blog not being a success because your not putting the creativity into it, maybe you feel thats how your youtube account will end up? That its better to walk away at its pinnacle then watch it fade away.

To evolve as an individual you need to see new places and meet new people whilst doing new things, you made a great success of youtube, maybe you need somthing else to conquer.

I like everyone else hope you stay though.

Simon said...

My favourite You Tubers (only 4) are known for producing everything from silly ramblings to epic super produced masterpieces and a lot in between.

Your viewers cannot evolve and learn unless you do and sometimes that involves odd detours. If we didn't want that we would read USA Today!

If I were you I would be tempted to open a new YouTube account and make videos for yourself without thinking of the audience for a while.

roGER said...

Perhaps the essence of being a professional (as opposed to an amateur) is being able to reach a certain standard in something even when you're not in the mood at all, perhaps even feeling down or even ill???

Hunter S Thompson said it best when he was talking about making a living as a writer:

"Professional writing is like professional sex - only fun for amateurs and old whores don't do much giggling."

I'm quoting from memory there so don't blame me if I get a word or two wrong).

You're being a bit hard on yourself and your YouTube work - few of us will be surprised if you're fronting some kind of show on telly in a year or two.

Whatever happens - please don't give up on YouTube completely.

Anonymous said...

I think your discovering that YouTube had it's appeal because of who you were at the time you discovered it.
Your not that person any longer PL, which is why your feeling as though YT isn't relevent. Ask yourself this question: What makes YouTube feel boring at this time?

Anonymous said...

Its like those punk rockers from the 70s and 80s, there all working in office blocks now, it was just a period of there life. Like the guy above said it might be the same situation here.

All i know is that youtubers who make videos usually take ideas off each other, so it takes a while for somthing exciting to crop up.

SuperJV said...
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SuperJV said...
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Chris said...

The beginning of your post about how YouTube now feels like a chore reminded me of this article I read years ago:

"In the laboratory, rats get Rice Krispies. In the classroom the top students get A's, and in the factory or office the best workers get raises. It's an article of faith for most of us that rewards promote better performance.

But a growing body of research suggests that this law is not nearly as ironclad as was once thought. Psychologists have been finding that rewards can lower performance levels, especially when the performance involves creativity."

Anonymous said...

Actually I agree with you Bryony. I myself havent posted a video in 4 months... I never managed the kind of success that you did (65 subscribers) but I made some good friends, and that is really all that matters I guess.