'you put your energy into Youtube, and you succeeded at it' was what my boss in California said to me, and it made me realise (though it's obvious and blindingly so) that you can only succeed at things you put energy into.
I haven't put energy into youtube in a long time. I don't have any passion for it lately. It might come back, but it's not something I want to push. There are other things that may or may not spring from it, but it is and always was a fun hobby that was... a fun hobby.
But yeah, I put energy into it, and it payed off. It's kind of flipped really, seeing as the thing I meant to concentrate on, which youtube distracted me from, was building my design portfolio, looking for work, etc, whereas now, I want to work on my own design projects than make youtube videos. The two distract me from the other.
I guess if something feels like a job or a chore, I don't relish it, and I don't put the passion and energy into it that you truly need to in order for it to actually be a success.
um, this was going somewhere but I forget where. I have heartburn and can't sleep.
It was that this blog and youtube videos in general seem to garner less views and comments than they used to, which I can't help but feel a little bad about, cause it's a failing comparitively. I don't mind really, and I know I could put something awesome up if I put some energy into it, payed attention to things happening around youtube and in the news and whatever. I always had dreams of doing something zefrank-like one day (just one!) but never got round to writing something up. But anyway, yes, that was what I was thinking- youtube has been a success, and maybe it can continue to be one, but I feel like that energy is flowing in different directions, for a while it was this blog, that weird job I did with Kwai, the job I have now, into my friends, even. At the moment it seems so daunting even posting a simple blog. There's all these people tuned into the channel and I don't want to disappoint them or scare them away.
I know I know, it's the tired thing I go on about all the time. I guess I just feel over exposed or something. I want to find a new creative way to use youtube, cause at the moment it just feels like a massive boring chore. There's nothing new to discover in it for me. At the moment anyway.
And having said that about energy flowing away from youtube, that seems like a good analogy for how it really is. I seem to have a finite amount of creativity, yet it always seems to come out, whatever Im doing. Like there's a set amount I am allotted every day, which seeps out one way or another. So youtube was huge for me when I was doing a boring job. It was a creative outlet, and now that my job is creative, there's not so much left to go round.
Also youtube is so boring to me lately, so it's like trying to force the creatve energy into it, which can be done, but grudgingly so. When it would rather go into something new and challenging.
Ok I really will try to sleep now.