Saturday, December 15, 2007

Advice...

Like, I know I have actively asked for advice on a fair few of these blog posts, but I am not constantly seeking the approval/aid of readers with every post. The amount of advice is ovewhelming and whilst I do appreciate it, I can't deal with so much of it.

As for videos- I have no choice but to just do what I feel I should do. And as for them changing, well of course they have changed- I have changed over the last yearand a half. I am no longer uncomfortable infront of the camera like I used to be so the nervous energy that once drove them is no longer there. I can't get that back, so my videos will NEVER be like that again.

Youtube has changed vastly in the time I have been on it. There is no longer a sense of connection like there used to be. It is so huge now that it is very hard to feel connected to people unless I already know them. That sounds dismissive but I don't know how else to explain it. I don't want to seem aloof or mean, but I think it is impossible for me not to.

Like I have said many times- if you don't like my videos.... don't watch them. If they no longer meet your standards then you have a choice to stick around and see how they develop or unsubscribe and not watch them anymore. They will certainly change as time goes on; like any person in the world, I am constantly changing as a person, my influences and interests are constantly changing, and youtube is constantly changing. Those changes are inevitable.

I have taken the decision not to become like Phil or Hotforwords and utilise things which I know would get more views and maybe be more popular amongst my viewer base (and get more viewers) because then I don't feel I would be being true to myself. Its not even a case of being true to my original viewers or my youtube friends- it has to be about me and what I want to do, because otherwise its simply whoring, isn't it? I am not here to please you. That has been an amazing side effect of me deciding to throw my two pence into youtube. It was me then and it has to be me now.

I think where I have gone wrong is that I have cared too much what other people want from my channel. When I have felt at a loss for ideas, I have cast around for them and asked for suggestions, then given myself up to those pressures to a degree. Well... I guess this post is to say that I am not going to do that anymore. I will post whatever I feel I want to post. My subscriber numbers have gotten out of hand and I guess they are probably just going to keep going up now with that momentum that they have now. So I can't do it for a gain in subs. I can't do it for anyone else but me me me!!

haha, sorry if this comes across as asshole-ish. I do appreciate all the people who watch me and how much that has made my life amazing. Of course I do. I just think I have to realise why that was in the first place. When I started on youtube I LOVED it. Now I don't love it so much anymore. So I want to go back to loving it, and when I loved it, I did whatever the hell I wanted to with my channel.

I have a LOT of views. And I am scared of that. I think I need to start fucking with that. What would YOU say to 23,000 people?

27 comments:

BadAlbert said...

What would I say to 23,000 people? 'I am the messiah, follow me!' Then I would issue instructions and demand the completion of various ridiculous missions in order for them to win my eternal approval. But that's just me... How about a video of people grovelling and kissing your ass just to annoy all the wankers on youtube? It could be a collaboration, have everyone saying how great you are, we are not worthy etc, and you just looking down your nose and sneering? That's what I'd do (after the messiah thing)

Chris Stokes said...

Your words make a lot of sense, as always, and so I'd go down the route you suggest as well if I was in your position. Ideas for videos will come, as they always seem to with you, and due to what now seems like 'closure' (for lack of a better word) on your part on this issue, they will probably be new beasts entirely, while remaining definitively 'Paperlilies.' Not knowing what's it like to have such a big audience I'm not the best to comment, but it seems to me you have the greatest opportunity at the moment to come out of this with the best output you've ever done. And you probably will.

AutomaticTLC said...

The only thing I really don't enjoy about your channel is the constant bickering about how Youtube has gone downhill (however, I liked the activistesque Mimka one.) Just keep doing what you do so there is at least one youtube channel that someone watches that is great.

I looveee 2.5/3's of your stuff.

cc said...

AutomaticTlc, Did you not read the her post?? Paper basically asked you to keep any negative opinions to yourself. If you like something, go ahead and say so. If you don't like something, don't watch.

Tucker said...

I would say, "Fuck you bitchs! Bow down!"

I don't get why people keep saying your videos have changed so much. I didn't start watching youtube until last may anyway, and by then you had been around for a while, and that it when I started to like your videos. Even looking at the old ones you don't seem like a different person or anything.

Did you delete a bunch of old videos or something?

equus said...

I subscribed to your channel somewhere around the Miss South Carolina era - which is not a long time ago - but I watched your videos before that time already. I liked them then, I like them now - both the ones based on great ideas and the more video-bloggish ones. It's not that I love each and every one of your videos, but I don't expect to. You're a person who has given some part of herself to the world and it's ok - it's not like this gives people the right to expect anything. I say - do what you want to. Remain yourself. I always prefer people when they are their true selves - even if this means that sometimes they are not that exciting.

Anonymous said...

People watch your videos because they like you for any number of different reasons. You could play with a hole in your rug and they'd watch.

I know that's indelicate, but it's true. Your topical and featured vids got the most views, but things like the "Big Mistake", which might be the best video ever on Youtube, got around 30,000 views.

Look to see if you have any holes in your rug.

Dave

toptag said...

Don't care too much about other people's expectations! Just do what you like to do and be straightforward ... and a little rant now and then is just fine :)

billy joel said...

"I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE"

Amy said...

I'm thinking that doing whatever you want to do will serve to make better videos anyway. Or at least I think so. I remember the good old days of ten minute videos sharing your board game collection. That was awesome! Don't ask me why it was awesome, because I'm pretty sure if someone did that in person I'd be bored out of my mind, but I enjoyed it. Blah blah blah. My point is that I think this shall be a good thing. Yes.

tejayce said...

you know, thats exactly the reason why i like you and your channel so much :)
-------------
23.000people ... hey .. didnt you just make this post to say you aint gonna ask for suggestions anymore? .. lol

i would educate people. for example the first video i ever made, was about rape myths and rape proclivity.
clearing up misconceptions about important topics would be my goal. like how newspapers and television works. most people have false views about a lot of very important things.

but well thats the reason why noone ever watched my vids :P

ghostwise said...

I would be saying the same things I've wanted and have been saying.. But I definitely would be feeling the pressures you've been feeling.

Thanks for this post.

david bowie said...

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES...Turn and face the strange...

the podge said...

a video saying this sort of thing would be great. Good to see this sort of blog , looks like you need not worry about losing yourself.

LTS said...

eh...what david bowie said.

Kimberl(eigh)y said...

It's so creepy to think that you have that many subscribers :/ I figure, with my year of absence, I have about 1000 active accounts subscribed to me. The rest are abandoned by people that never log in anymore, or people that just never watch their subscriptions anymore. Even THAT still feels creepy to me. I don't get why people want to be internet famous... it kindof takes over your life from what I remember. And that sucks.

Anyway, the fact is, people change, what they're interested in changes. What they create changes. If you didn't change, it would be more strange. I do miss when you used to do loads of random vlogs that involved people, they were fun, but if you want to make them you will, and if you don't want to make them, someone else can.

I like what you make, the people that really get what you're about will like it too. It's really cool that you share bits of yourself with the world.

Anonymous said...

What would i say to 23000 people?
This Christmas - Give me £1 (or a dollar will do) from each of you!!!
Seriously:when i can stop trying to play god with "the butterfly effect",it's great to see that the clouds have parted and the sun has come out for you again.Feeling the pressure of all that need and hunger from 23000 subs could destroy me.So you have my utmost admiration and respect for the ways you handle it.I'm just along for the free ride in this life so almost anything you could say or do would be ok with me anyway.(Is the best advice the advice that you give yourself to not take advice from anyone but you?)
Ps i hope renetto and a few others on youtube will read this blog post of yours as they could find some sage advice in it for themselfs.
pps i'd take your blog's lines of thought a bit further and say that vlogs get you all addicted to the natural high you get from the chemicals in you brains.But after about a year the rewards from vlogs is not enough to get high and then you have two choices. Either back off and find a pace you can handle or continue to try to get a high by going ever more crazy until you start to lose it.
Sorry,i know i'm being a patronising git,talking a load of bollocks.My excuse is that i'm just another knuckle dragging moron looking for answers.

ZipDudeAh said...

When you first started you didn’t think about views or subscribers because you had very little of them, so you talked about random things that interested you, such as the proper way to eat chips (fries). Instead of trying to come up with ideas for videos that would interest your subscribers try instead to find ideas that interest you without worrying if they will interest others. Trying to please almost 25,000 people sounds stressful. No wonder you have had trouble coming up with ideas for videos. Go back to the mindset you had when you first started making videos on YT. Don’t think about how others will react to your videos. It’s only important how YOU feel about them. I have been watching your videos since October of ’06 and I am glad to see this new attitude of yours Bryony.

NusaCat said...

If each of them would send you $5 every year, you would never have to work again. Too bad most of them are too cheap.

streakfreak said...

I'd tell every viewer to hit that PayPal button and send me a dollar. Every viewer who pays is promised one entry into the lottery for every dollar they give. A month after the video is posted, you draw for a winner live on Stickam, and fly one lucky person to London to spend the day hanging out with Paperlilies and SuperJitan, which will be rounded out by a prominent appearance in a Paperlilies video. You could add a disclaimer that if there aren't enough entries, the event is cancelled, and everyone will be refunded.

Do the math. If even a fraction of your viewers went for it, you'd net enough to do an extended trip to America in style, or buy lots and lots of tight, spangly trousers. Your call.

You'd get a lot of 'Paypalilies' crap, but you get that anyway. So would you care?

**********************************

I'm only being semi-serious here. I'd be horrified if you did this! I'd think you were totally selling out! I would enter the draw though. Probably about a hundred times. But I'd do it grudgingly Bryony! Cursing your whorish soul the whole time! And praying that I'd win.

streakfreak said...

"I will post whatever I feel I want to post."

I was very happy to read this.

That is all.

Bil The Man said...

I enjoy watching you. Phil is an idiot. Do your thing and people can unsubscribe if they don't like it, like I did to phil...

I'll keep checking out your stuff.

Anonymous said...

why dont you get a kitten, and do videos with the kitten in it?

You can dress it up in little hats and christmas stuff.
itd be so cute...

think PROPS.
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :)

vclamp said...

I suggest that you ignore this suggestion. :o

I'm glad to know that you have gotten over that wall.

Cornelius Prime said...

You go girl - there's some quote from someone famous that goes "Its the hardest thing in the world to do but at the end of the day life is about pleasing yourself not everyone else." - Word.

Alexandrou said...

Thanks for being honest- I'll stick it out with you till the end.

Logan said...

No way am I unsubscribing! I know you may have hit a rough patch in your "friendship" with YouTube, but I'm sure it will pass. As for the blog post, I think you don't have to even explain why you haven't made videos that are up to some viewers "par". As you said, it has to interest you and what interests you is what got all of these subs to begin with. I think everyone needs to realise that you are a person with your own life to live and if it doesn't fit into your viewers schedule than, piss off!