Like, I know I have actively asked for advice on a fair few of these blog posts, but I am not constantly seeking the approval/aid of readers with every post. The amount of advice is ovewhelming and whilst I do appreciate it, I can't deal with so much of it.
As for videos- I have no choice but to just do what I feel I should do. And as for them changing, well of course they have changed- I have changed over the last yearand a half. I am no longer uncomfortable infront of the camera like I used to be so the nervous energy that once drove them is no longer there. I can't get that back, so my videos will NEVER be like that again.
Youtube has changed vastly in the time I have been on it. There is no longer a sense of connection like there used to be. It is so huge now that it is very hard to feel connected to people unless I already know them. That sounds dismissive but I don't know how else to explain it. I don't want to seem aloof or mean, but I think it is impossible for me not to.
Like I have said many times- if you don't like my videos.... don't watch them. If they no longer meet your standards then you have a choice to stick around and see how they develop or unsubscribe and not watch them anymore. They will certainly change as time goes on; like any person in the world, I am constantly changing as a person, my influences and interests are constantly changing, and youtube is constantly changing. Those changes are inevitable.
I have taken the decision not to become like Phil or Hotforwords and utilise things which I know would get more views and maybe be more popular amongst my viewer base (and get more viewers) because then I don't feel I would be being true to myself. Its not even a case of being true to my original viewers or my youtube friends- it has to be about me and what I want to do, because otherwise its simply whoring, isn't it? I am not here to please you. That has been an amazing side effect of me deciding to throw my two pence into youtube. It was me then and it has to be me now.
I think where I have gone wrong is that I have cared too much what other people want from my channel. When I have felt at a loss for ideas, I have cast around for them and asked for suggestions, then given myself up to those pressures to a degree. Well... I guess this post is to say that I am not going to do that anymore. I will post whatever I feel I want to post. My subscriber numbers have gotten out of hand and I guess they are probably just going to keep going up now with that momentum that they have now. So I can't do it for a gain in subs. I can't do it for anyone else but me me me!!
haha, sorry if this comes across as asshole-ish. I do appreciate all the people who watch me and how much that has made my life amazing. Of course I do. I just think I have to realise why that was in the first place. When I started on youtube I LOVED it. Now I don't love it so much anymore. So I want to go back to loving it, and when I loved it, I did whatever the hell I wanted to with my channel.
I have a LOT of views. And I am scared of that. I think I need to start fucking with that. What would YOU say to 23,000 people?