Monday, October 29, 2007

Haribo gums

Yeah so these are the sweets I was going on about in the last post. I just spent like 90 minutes watching the 6 O'clock news and taking these pictures, then messing about with them on photoshop to make them look more sweetyish (though making their colours brighter kinda made me feel a little bit sick.

So these are the 'Tangfastics'. What is that name all about?! They're tangy! They're fantastic!! They're.... uh, Tang... um... fasti..c... I wonder how much the person who made up that name got paid. I wonder what they look like too.

Check out the drawing. Why do they have to personify all the creatures and inanimate objects?? Why is that kid holding the cherries up like that?? That green stem looks like a noose! WHY DO THEY ALL HAVE SUCH CRAZY FACES?!and lolling tongues?!

These are the actual sweets. There areso not enough of those cherry sweets (my favourite!) and too many cola bottles (they're ok but they aren't cherries) Those round green sweets are really good- they taste like apples I think. They taste like generic green. When I was a kid I used to give all the lemon and or lime flavoured sweets to my mum (and horde the strawberry, orange and blackcurrant/blackberry/raspberry flavour ones) because I didn't like them. But these days, green ones are as likely to be apple as lime flavour! Which makes eating green sweets like some kind of roulette!! (ok totally not really).

Oh yeah and check out the sad little crocodile sort of shape one. How did they come up with this weird concoction of shapes? Round non-descript ones, keys/dummies (I always thought of them as being keys, but judging by the picture, they might be dummies/pacifiers), cherries, cola bottles and crocodiles?! What kind of combo is that?? How was that grouping decided on?!

Ok , so that is the first tub, the second tub is the Haribo Horror Mix. Standard halloween colours- purple green and orange (yawn). This time the creepy Haribo kid is a vampire. Did you ever see that show from Australia called something like 'My Family are Vampires'. I never watched it anyway because it sucked, but my mum was, like, against it because THE CHILDREN WERE DEAD!! Think about it. They were dead! DEAD PEOPLE, people! So yeah, it's kiiiiind of sick to have a show about dead children.

Anyway, I digress. I guess that's the whole point of halloween, to be creepy and scary and a little but off kilter but this show wasn't just at halloween, it was all year round, so it kind of was creepy, especially for CBBC (if it was ITV then it would be a different matter.)

Uh, anyway, what was I even talking about. Oh yeah, so, creepy Haribo boy. Check out the pumpkin:

Yeah.... frighteningly good. wtf? How can something good be frightening? I know its all 'lets just make it halloween-y', but that doesn't make any sense to me.

Ok, so this is what is in this 'frighteningly good' selection: a kilo of jelly skeletons (side note- I just totally forgot how to spell skeletons and was spelling it skelitons and skelletans and stuff til I asked my brother and he's like 'skeletons. Idiot.') spiders, bats, snakes and, uh, frogs. Frogs? really? I never really thought of them as especially scary. Spiders totally put the shits up me but frogs are cute! and bats! I like them anyway. And snakes too.

I don't know how well it comes out on this photo but the skull has a SMILEY FACE!! not in a skull-y rictus grin sort of way, just a regular cartoon smiley face. (another side note, me and a friend from way back once thought Rictus Grin would be a really good death metal band name).

But yeah, what the hell? It's a skeleton- its either totally fucking creepy because it's the remains of a dead human being (which you are eating in sugar form), or it's a smiley face little man (which you are again, eating. And killing!). One or the other, Haribo! not both! Because both just doesn't make sense ok?

So yeah.... anyway, regardless of anything I just wrote, I ate all these right after. Infact, I ate them before I wrote this. They're inside my stomach RiGHT NOW!

I don;t know why I spent so long making this post. The love of sweets I guess. The love of sweets....


Zack said...

lol i like the twist ending where we find out the candy is inside your stomach :-P. I alway find myself not being able to remember the spelling of easy words even when I really know what the spelling is. :-( I'm kind of dyslexic.

the sightspeed guy said...

tangfastics. think about it. a few letter changes, and you've got FAGTASTICS. totally trying to push the subliminal gay agenda on our children. what's next, two male muppets sharing the same bedroom?!?

Linear Zap said...

I love the Fangist... Tanisfact... Tingt... the first ones. I bought a box of 'em the last time I was in the UK, because they aren't sold in France...

...We do have the cherry-flavored ones though, and indeed, they taste great.


GallaUK said...

Try Haribo Micromix =)

Callianne said...

" Spiders totally put the shits up me but frogs are cute!"

this line made me laugh really hard. you are teh funnies!

markyboy72 said...

OMG I just LOVE Haribo sweets...Tag bloody fastics!

I eat so many of these sweets that my teeth have all fallen out...Sod NHS dentists, Haribo is the way!!

Haribo RULES, kick ass Haribo, kick me in the teeth haribo (oh you already have!!)...